Here I am sitting down and found myself watching Independence Day. The one with Will Smith as a fighter pilot, and Bill Pullman is an ex-fighter pilot and current President of the United States. Whatever.

Near the end of the movie, when the aliens are heading straight for the base at Area 51, they begin activating their primary weapon. You know, the weapon that can do this:

Anyway, they begin activating the weapon to attack the base, and everyone begins to freak out and they agree that unless they destroy the weapon… everyone inside the base is doomed! Oh no!

Until you think about it for a second. They are how far underground, in a secret military base that was holding within it an alien spaceship, and it is probably built to withstand an attack from at least conventional Earth weaponry. Sure, they might not think that they can survive the blast… except for the fact that they have a woman in the base that survived a fucking blast inside a fucking utility closet!

I couldn't find a picture of her in the closet, but you get the point. Judging from the previous instances that the aliens used their weapon, it isn't really all that more powerful than what humans already possess. And if it isn't a direct hit, then all it does is send a big wall of fire in every direction. I doubt that the weapon is powerful enough to penetrate into the earth, otherwise they would have probably shown a massive crater in an aftermath… instead of everything being on fire… with buildings still half erect.

There are some threats that i've noticed from other things that are horribly nonsensical. For instance, I was at my girlfriends house and all the kids were watching 'The Little Mermaid'. I'm not entirely sure if it was the movie or if it was the television series, but Ariel was a complete fucking idiot in it…

…I know that from the fact that she kept naming above-sea items with stupid names like 'whatchamacallit' or 'woozlewuzzles'. See, stupid things like that.

The whole threat that made no sense to me is the fact that the crab and the fish that she hangs out with, are warning her to be careful of the high waves that are crashing about the place.

What?

Anyway, the thing started off with her going to the surface during a storm to see what things had ended up in the water, as storms are when ships usually get fucked up by the water. She comes across a jewelry box with a dancing ballerina on top… but oh no, the waves are getting big… they'll crash down on her!

Holy shit, but do I need to fucking explain how non-sensical that sounds? She is a fucking mermaid who can breathe underwater… and apparently above water as well… and they're warning her about the waves crashing down around her.

What. The. Fuck?!

If she goes under the water, she'll live. If she ends up getting washed ashore… well, the only hazard apparently would be if a human found her, not that she would die or anything. Fucking bullshit.

What about in the 1970's Superman movies? What threat could be so terrible that it would bother Superman? Two missiles launched by Lex Luthor and heading in two directions… and oh no, he can only stop one of them before they arrive at their targets.

The main problem with this threat is this:

Daft Punk aside, he can fly at such speeds that he stops the Earth's rotation and then can make it spin the other way. What? If he is that powerful and can do that without fucking up the world in major ways, then why not just fly that fucking fast to stop the two missiles?

This isn't a new idea, as the guys at How It Should Have Ended noted this in a video a few years back:

I haven't done a Google Image Search of the Day for a while, in fact, so long that I haven't done one since I moved the site from Blogspot. So I thought i'd do one whilst I remembered. I should also point out that this is the first time i'll be doing one of these since Google changed the way that the Image Search section is done, allowing more images to load up on one single page. Which I find excellent, as that means I don't have to worry about clicking on buttons too much.

What word could I use for today? Well, for some reason, the first word that popped into my head is 'massive'. Do not ask me why, because I do not know myself, but knowingly this should turn out disturbing.

MASSIVE

The whitest man in the universe.

Which one is the massive one?

Seriously… what the fuck?!

It's barely a scratch, you pussy!

It had the caption 'can boobs be too big?' The answer? No.

Who else can picture NASA not seeing a big chunk of rock that size?

Hmm. Surprisingly this word wasn't that disturbing. I find that amazing. When I think of the word massive, I immediately think of shitloads of penis pictures… but there were only a few.

I have been neglecting the Worst Porn segment for way too long. I have to admit that I have been finding some truly terrible pornography in the last few weeks, and that I just haven't added it to the site. I've been hoarding it, and keeping it for myself.

It's mine damnit! All mine!

But anyway, here we are with one of the worst things I've seen for a while. And yes, it involves another deformed midget. NSFW after the jump.

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If you follow me on Buzzfeed or Twitter, you'll have noticed I added a feed regarding a new porn movie made by Hustler, which celebrates Miley Cyrus turning 18.

From the PG rated trailer on YouTube, I can tell you that the acting alone makes this one of the worst porn movies I have ever seen.

Imagine that. A porn movie with bad acting. But i'm not talking about just any bad acting, i'm talking about the most painful acting I've ever seen in my life. Compared to this, the guy who fucked that spider thing should be given a fucking Oscar for his contribution to the world.

Don't believe me? Then take a look at the trailer yourself:

I fucking told you!

But still, the most insane part about that whole video is the 'Silly Ray Cyrus' music video for his country hit 'Dingly Dangly Dong'. How fucking terrible was it seeing that short clip of it? Incredibly terrible. Now, enjoy a longer version:

How fucking hard is it to sing in time with the music? Even if the lyrics are ridiculous and retarded, you can still at least attempt to make it plausible that this "hit song" was written to incorporate both music and lyrics into one element, and not two things jammed together.