Holy crap. So much random bullshit has happened to me the last few weeks since I updated the site last. I am sick of the town I live in; I am sick of the people in it; and i’m getting pissed with all of the kids.
Okay, so not all of them are pissing me off. The baby actually behaves unlike the rest of them. The oldest one is consistently a fucking asshole to me and his mother. And the twins… well, whilst they aren’t as bad as him, they have their moments.
The twins biological mother is being a cunt again. And once more, it all harkens back to the house she let become all fucked. I found out that for the two years (almost three) since she was kicked out of the house, the reason I haven’t been able to get a house is because of her leaving a massive phone bill from the house in my name.
The bill was in my name originally and I left it on because she is hopeless and couldn’t get a phone put on because she had a previous bill that fucked her credit.
I have not had the internet for a number of weeks because the phone had been cut off due to the phone company being douchebags. In this time, i've missed a number of things such as every episode of this season's Doctor Who, the remaining episodes of Stargate Universe, Osama Bin Laden being killed (I found out three days after… three days!) and finally, the recent announcement that DC Comics are rebooting their universe.
What the fuck has happened during my time off the net? Rebooting their comics back to all #1 is insane. Action Comics #1, Detective Comics #1, Green Lantern #1… everything… #1!
Arrgggghhhh! I have not been a fan of the DC universe for almost my entire life for them to abandon their heritage. Fuck that! FUCK THAT! And my god, their new costumes are terrible! Fairwell DC, it was good knowing you!
I'm surprised to find that Earth hasn't been invaded by fucking martians, considering how topsy turvy the world has fucking become.
I'm currently sitting at a computer in the middle of Penrith Plaza. I am fucking bored, andI waiting for Matty to come and pick me up after dropping his kids at their mothers. I myself have onlyjust finished upon the train, after dropping the kids off with their mother's boyfriend.
I am fucking tired, bored and sightly annoyed that this keyboard is really fucking sticky. Seriously, every key seems to either stick when pushed in, or it doesn't want to be pushed in.
Haven't been motivated to do anything with this site recently. If you have been checking my Twitter however, you might have seen that I have added some toy reviews that I've begun doing over at blip.tv.
The "show" is called Cheap Toys Review, and I take a look at various budget toys I come across at some of the discount stores in my town, or elsewhere. In fact, after my time runs out at this computer terminal, I might go and take a look at one of the cheap shops here.
So keep an eye out there, because I will be adding a new episode every week… hopefully every Saturday, schedule permitting.
I just came across what I will now claim is the greatest commercial ever! If I am claiming this commercial to be the greatest ever, then you just know it has something to do with the Mega Shark series!
Is there anything that you cannot do with this series? It is pure excellence, dissolved down to it's most pure essence.
I've professed my love on many occasions for what I believe to be the greatest movie of all time… Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus!
The funny thing is that I still haven't seen the movie. I keep forgetting to get it when i'm at the shops. But i've now started downloading it, so that I can remedy that situation… because i'll need to have seen this epic masterpiece if I am to be able to understand the NEW SEQUEL!
That's right. The Asylum have made a sequel to the greatest movie of all time, and I think that I am not alone in saying that this is possibly the greatest sequel to ever be made. Whilst I admit that the poster/DVD art for this one isn't as brilliant as the original, the tagline for this one is excellent. Whoever wins, we lose. What the fuck does that mean?! If the shark wins… it's going to be a shitload better for us than if a giant crocodile wins. A crocodile can go on fucking land, you morons!
Anyway, this one has a cast that might rival the epicness of Debbie Gibson from the first movie. Check it out, it has Jaleel White. For those that may not recognise this name… you'll definitely recognise his most famous role:
Holy fucking shit! It's Urkel! And Urkel isn't alone in his fight against the terror of a Mega Shark/Crocosaurus showdown… because with him, he has the cold hard logic of the greatest sci-fi Doctor after The Doctor, The Doctor himself… Robert Picardo!
Damnit, sensory overload… I think I just fucking CAME!
I'm sitting here watching the new NBC superhero "drama", The Cape, and my god it has the worst fucking pacing of anything i've ever seen. I'm currently 36 minutes into the first episode and so much shit has already happened, that it feels like they've cut down an entire years worth of episodes and jammed them together.
I was told by a friend from high school that one of our friends died of a heart attack today. How the fuck does someone at the age of 27 die of a heart attack?
It is kind of making me think, mainly because of the fact that I am nowhere near as fit as I used to be. Back in high school, I was a fairly fit guy who played plenty of sports, and I was on my way to getting in pretty good shape. A pretty bad back injury took care of that, and since then I struggle to do any exercise and is a major reason why I can't do any jobs that include manual labour. It sucks ass, as that is all there is to do around this town.
My stomach isn't getting thinner as time passes, and I am in no way getting any fitter. So how the hell does hearing about one of my good friends from school dying of a heart attack make me feel? For fucks sake, he wasn't as big as I am now in weight and as far as I know, he didn't do any major drugs. So how the fuck did he have a heart attack?
It makes me freak out thinking what the hell would happen to my kids if I were to suddenly die. Seriously, what the fuck would happen to them if I did? it really makes you think about shit when someone with a similar background to you dies out of the blue.
I think I might take a break from the site over the next few weeks. I'll be needing to take a break anyway, since I do have a new baby on the way and could come any day now. So when that happens, i'll post something… but apart from that, I don't think i'll be doing much.
Here I am sitting down and found myself watching Independence Day. The one with Will Smith as a fighter pilot, and Bill Pullman is an ex-fighter pilot and current President of the United States. Whatever.
Near the end of the movie, when the aliens are heading straight for the base at Area 51, they begin activating their primary weapon. You know, the weapon that can do this:
Anyway, they begin activating the weapon to attack the base, and everyone begins to freak out and they agree that unless they destroy the weapon… everyone inside the base is doomed! Oh no!
Until you think about it for a second. They are how far underground, in a secret military base that was holding within it an alien spaceship, and it is probably built to withstand an attack from at least conventional Earth weaponry. Sure, they might not think that they can survive the blast… except for the fact that they have a woman in the base that survived a fucking blast inside a fucking utility closet!
I couldn't find a picture of her in the closet, but you get the point. Judging from the previous instances that the aliens used their weapon, it isn't really all that more powerful than what humans already possess. And if it isn't a direct hit, then all it does is send a big wall of fire in every direction. I doubt that the weapon is powerful enough to penetrate into the earth, otherwise they would have probably shown a massive crater in an aftermath… instead of everything being on fire… with buildings still half erect.
There are some threats that i've noticed from other things that are horribly nonsensical. For instance, I was at my girlfriends house and all the kids were watching 'The Little Mermaid'. I'm not entirely sure if it was the movie or if it was the television series, but Ariel was a complete fucking idiot in it…
…I know that from the fact that she kept naming above-sea items with stupid names like 'whatchamacallit' or 'woozlewuzzles'. See, stupid things like that.
The whole threat that made no sense to me is the fact that the crab and the fish that she hangs out with, are warning her to be careful of the high waves that are crashing about the place.
What?
Anyway, the thing started off with her going to the surface during a storm to see what things had ended up in the water, as storms are when ships usually get fucked up by the water. She comes across a jewelry box with a dancing ballerina on top… but oh no, the waves are getting big… they'll crash down on her!
Holy shit, but do I need to fucking explain how non-sensical that sounds? She is a fucking mermaid who can breathe underwater… and apparently above water as well… and they're warning her about the waves crashing down around her.
What. The. Fuck?!
If she goes under the water, she'll live. If she ends up getting washed ashore… well, the only hazard apparently would be if a human found her, not that she would die or anything. Fucking bullshit.
What about in the 1970's Superman movies? What threat could be so terrible that it would bother Superman? Two missiles launched by Lex Luthor and heading in two directions… and oh no, he can only stop one of them before they arrive at their targets.
The main problem with this threat is this:
Daft Punk aside, he can fly at such speeds that he stops the Earth's rotation and then can make it spin the other way. What? If he is that powerful and can do that without fucking up the world in major ways, then why not just fly that fucking fast to stop the two missiles?
This isn't a new idea, as the guys at How It Should Have Ended noted this in a video a few years back:
Born in the distant Grimlap System, Xenu was sent to Earth as a baby in the hope that one day, he would become someone like Superman or a Defender of the Earth!
But that didn't happen.
Instead, he writes random shit about his day on his blog and jerks off to vast quantities of pr0n.
