If you follow me on Buzzfeed or Twitter, you'll have noticed I added a feed regarding a new porn movie made by Hustler, which celebrates Miley Cyrus turning 18.
From the PG rated trailer on YouTube, I can tell you that the acting alone makes this one of the worst porn movies I have ever seen.
Imagine that. A porn movie with bad acting. But i'm not talking about just any bad acting, i'm talking about the most painful acting I've ever seen in my life. Compared to this, the guy who fucked that spider thing should be given a fucking Oscar for his contribution to the world.
Don't believe me? Then take a look at the trailer yourself:
I fucking told you!
But still, the most insane part about that whole video is the 'Silly Ray Cyrus' music video for his country hit 'Dingly Dangly Dong'. How fucking terrible was it seeing that short clip of it? Incredibly terrible. Now, enjoy a longer version:
How fucking hard is it to sing in time with the music? Even if the lyrics are ridiculous and retarded, you can still at least attempt to make it plausible that this "hit song" was written to incorporate both music and lyrics into one element, and not two things jammed together.
I've only just discovered that the CKEditor which I use for both my post editor, and the editor in the comments section of each post, that it doesn't work in Google Chrome. That is annoying.
It also seems to me that my Google Analytics isn't working properly. It keeps saying that I haven't been receiving any hits on this site at all for about two months (or roughly the time that the site has actually been on my webhosting server).
You could say that the site just isn't getting any hits at all, and that is the reason why, but then why is my Buzzfeed dashboard showing hits coming from this site? It's all very peculiar. I am finding Google to be filled with errors.
Hopefully I can find out what is going on, or perhaps install a stats mod to this site within wordpress itself.
UPDATE: Holy shit, was Google Analytics fucking up completely or what? In two days I have had over 2,500 unique IP's visit the site, and many of them are checking out at least a few pages each. All mainly because of the spider lady porn thing. I knew that shit was gold.
My parents bought me a cheap knockoff version of a Snuggie, because I usually sit at my computer with a blanket over my legs to keep warm. I hate the Snuggie. I think it is the most stupid ass backwards invention ever, made for idiots.
I just tried the thing on. My back was cold. You know how I attempted to fix this problem?
I turned the fucker around and tried to wear it like a robe which it essentially is. It didn't sit on my shoulders properly, kept sliding off and then to top it off because of the way that the thing is shaped, my entire chest was exposed and cold.
Whoever came up with this thing is a total failure. They failed at making a blanket, and they failed at making a robe. Two of the most simple things to make. You could make a blanket from some newspapers, which is why a homeless person is more inventive than the person who invented the Snuggie.
So, now I am nice and warm. You know how I have made myself warm? It sure as hell isn't with a Snuggie. I'm wearing a robe. Holy crap is it comfortable, and warm. Whoever came up with this thing is a genius.
I have just spotted a 'Top 14 Fake Movies from Real Movies' list over at filmcritic.com. You know, movies that the filmmakers come up with for characters in the movie or television show to see that don't actually exist in real life. An example would be the Space Mutant movies from the early seasons of 'The Simpsons'.
Anyway, I immediately went through it to spot if a certain movie made the list. Which it didn't. How could you do a list like this without listing 'The Night The Reindeer Died' from the immortal Christmas tale, Scrooged?
UPDATE: At this point in the original post, you could watch the fake trailer for this movie. But it has been taken down from YouTube and I cannot find a different copy. Once I do, I will put it back up here.
How the hell did that not make the list? It has everything:
Santa.
Elves.
Terrorists attacking Santa's workshop at the North Pole.
Lee Majors (the Six Million Dollar Man!)
Lee Majors blowing terrorists away with a mini-gun!
What the fuck were the people who wrote that article for filmcritic on? How could you be working for a site like that, and not list this classic fake movie from one of the better christmas movies of the last few decades, starring Bill Murray who was in his critical and box office prime at the time?
So, I was walking up the road to get a copy of todays newspaper when for some reason I began to think of the 90's tv show, Sliders. You know the one, the fat kid from 'Stand By Me' is an uber-genius and discovers a method to travel between parallel worlds that he ends up calling 'Sliding'.
Anyway, I was thinking about the whole premise of the show, that they're trying to get home after the sliding thing goes wrong causing their device to open a portal at intervals of differing times. So one world they might have two days to wait, or another might be as little as two minutes.
Could that much have happened since they left? Well, gee, I don't know. Maybe they need something more tangible to figure out if they are on their world.
So, how did they try to figure out if they were on their world? Well, you see… the front gate of the fat kid's house was always squeaky on his world. And luckily, they arrived out the front of his house. Take a look:
For those that couldn't be fucked watching it, i'll explain. He tests it out… and alas, it isn't squeaky… which means… this can't be their world.
They decide to slide on. After they've slid away, his mother walks out with the gardener who shows her that he has fixed the squeak with a bit of oil.
Wow.
They just moved on from their world because they couldn't really be fucked to check for anything else apart from a fucking gate. This seriously was one of their major tests throughout the show as to whether they were on their own world or not.
"Is the gate squeaky?"
If the gate was squeaky, they would usually try to settle into "their" lives until they realise that something isn't right… like the President is a Nazi, or something along those lines.
One thing that I find a bit stupid, is the fact that they just keep sliding like it is their only way to get home.
Why doesn't the fat kid who is an uber-genius who invented the intra-dimensional sliding system in his fucking basement sit the fuck down on a really good world, and build a new fucking device? He surely must be able to build it again, seeing as he could have the resources of a rich blues singer at his disposal, and he has the fucking Professor along with him to give him a hand.
Not to mention… he might have a parallel version of himself who could offer a hand with building the fucking thing.
Born in the distant Grimlap System, Xenu was sent to Earth as a baby in the hope that one day, he would become someone like Superman or a Defender of the Earth!
But that didn't happen.
Instead, he writes random shit about his day on his blog and jerks off to vast quantities of pr0n.
