I have not had the internet for a number of weeks because the phone had been cut off due to the phone company being douchebags. In this time, i've missed a number of things such as every episode of this season's Doctor Who, the remaining episodes of Stargate Universe, Osama Bin Laden being killed (I found out three days after… three days!) and finally, the recent announcement that DC Comics are rebooting their universe.
What the fuck has happened during my time off the net? Rebooting their comics back to all #1 is insane. Action Comics #1, Detective Comics #1, Green Lantern #1… everything… #1!
Arrgggghhhh! I have not been a fan of the DC universe for almost my entire life for them to abandon their heritage. Fuck that! FUCK THAT! And my god, their new costumes are terrible! Fairwell DC, it was good knowing you!
I'm surprised to find that Earth hasn't been invaded by fucking martians, considering how topsy turvy the world has fucking become.
I'm sitting here watching the new NBC superhero "drama", The Cape, and my god it has the worst fucking pacing of anything i've ever seen. I'm currently 36 minutes into the first episode and so much shit has already happened, that it feels like they've cut down an entire years worth of episodes and jammed them together.
I was told by a friend from high school that one of our friends died of a heart attack today. How the fuck does someone at the age of 27 die of a heart attack?
It is kind of making me think, mainly because of the fact that I am nowhere near as fit as I used to be. Back in high school, I was a fairly fit guy who played plenty of sports, and I was on my way to getting in pretty good shape. A pretty bad back injury took care of that, and since then I struggle to do any exercise and is a major reason why I can't do any jobs that include manual labour. It sucks ass, as that is all there is to do around this town.
My stomach isn't getting thinner as time passes, and I am in no way getting any fitter. So how the hell does hearing about one of my good friends from school dying of a heart attack make me feel? For fucks sake, he wasn't as big as I am now in weight and as far as I know, he didn't do any major drugs. So how the fuck did he have a heart attack?
It makes me freak out thinking what the hell would happen to my kids if I were to suddenly die. Seriously, what the fuck would happen to them if I did? it really makes you think about shit when someone with a similar background to you dies out of the blue.
I think I might take a break from the site over the next few weeks. I'll be needing to take a break anyway, since I do have a new baby on the way and could come any day now. So when that happens, i'll post something… but apart from that, I don't think i'll be doing much.
I was asleep roughly one and a half hours ago. It is unusual for me to be asleep at such an early hour, but seeing as I do have kids… it is somewhat understandable.
Which is why I am fairly annoyed that someone decided to prank call my phone and awake me from a deep sleep. I am even more annoyed that it was on behest of someone I knew, and that they were all laughing and joking about it in the background.
Two reasons why it is a bad idea to prank me:
Stopping me from getting a decent sleep and calling at such an hour in the first place is a way to get on my bad side. Come on.
I have now spent the last hour and a half looking up ways to war dial on a modern computer.
What is war dialling? Have you ever heard of the movie 'Wargames' starring Mathew Broderick where he hacks into an advanced computer in charge of the United States nuclear arsenal?
To get into that computer, his character sets his computer to randomly dial a massive amount of phone numbers, in the hope that it will eventually connect to something. When he connects, he believes it is a personal computer and that someone wants to play him at chess and a game called Global ThermoNuclear War.
The act that he used to get into that computer is war dialling, and the name is specifically derived from the movie… hence war dialling.
This is what I am going to do to the people that pranked me. They aren't all that clever, considering that they pranked me with a number that showed up on the caller ID.
0755767153, by the way… and for those from places other than Australia, it would be +61755767153.
Usually, you set whatever program you are using so that it would dial a specific number, increasing the number by one each time. So say you set it to dial a number like 555-0000, it would go up to whatever number you specifically set it to go to like 555-9999.
But seeing as I already know the number I want to interact with, i'll just set the thing to constantly call for a few hundred times between the number I have for them… and the number I have for them.
This will result in them receiving a phone call almost constantly for however long I set it for, hopefully resulting in this:
The only problem is that I have broadband, which means I might not be able to actually do this without the need to go and pull out an old dial-up modem, and setting it up. I kind of don't want to go scrummaging for an old dial-up modem, so I hope I can find a modern alternative to do this.
I'll let you know what the result is when I can get it going.
Here I am sitting down and found myself watching Independence Day. The one with Will Smith as a fighter pilot, and Bill Pullman is an ex-fighter pilot and current President of the United States. Whatever.
Near the end of the movie, when the aliens are heading straight for the base at Area 51, they begin activating their primary weapon. You know, the weapon that can do this:
Anyway, they begin activating the weapon to attack the base, and everyone begins to freak out and they agree that unless they destroy the weapon… everyone inside the base is doomed! Oh no!
Until you think about it for a second. They are how far underground, in a secret military base that was holding within it an alien spaceship, and it is probably built to withstand an attack from at least conventional Earth weaponry. Sure, they might not think that they can survive the blast… except for the fact that they have a woman in the base that survived a fucking blast inside a fucking utility closet!
I couldn't find a picture of her in the closet, but you get the point. Judging from the previous instances that the aliens used their weapon, it isn't really all that more powerful than what humans already possess. And if it isn't a direct hit, then all it does is send a big wall of fire in every direction. I doubt that the weapon is powerful enough to penetrate into the earth, otherwise they would have probably shown a massive crater in an aftermath… instead of everything being on fire… with buildings still half erect.
There are some threats that i've noticed from other things that are horribly nonsensical. For instance, I was at my girlfriends house and all the kids were watching 'The Little Mermaid'. I'm not entirely sure if it was the movie or if it was the television series, but Ariel was a complete fucking idiot in it…
…I know that from the fact that she kept naming above-sea items with stupid names like 'whatchamacallit' or 'woozlewuzzles'. See, stupid things like that.
The whole threat that made no sense to me is the fact that the crab and the fish that she hangs out with, are warning her to be careful of the high waves that are crashing about the place.
What?
Anyway, the thing started off with her going to the surface during a storm to see what things had ended up in the water, as storms are when ships usually get fucked up by the water. She comes across a jewelry box with a dancing ballerina on top… but oh no, the waves are getting big… they'll crash down on her!
Holy shit, but do I need to fucking explain how non-sensical that sounds? She is a fucking mermaid who can breathe underwater… and apparently above water as well… and they're warning her about the waves crashing down around her.
What. The. Fuck?!
If she goes under the water, she'll live. If she ends up getting washed ashore… well, the only hazard apparently would be if a human found her, not that she would die or anything. Fucking bullshit.
What about in the 1970's Superman movies? What threat could be so terrible that it would bother Superman? Two missiles launched by Lex Luthor and heading in two directions… and oh no, he can only stop one of them before they arrive at their targets.
The main problem with this threat is this:
Daft Punk aside, he can fly at such speeds that he stops the Earth's rotation and then can make it spin the other way. What? If he is that powerful and can do that without fucking up the world in major ways, then why not just fly that fucking fast to stop the two missiles?
This isn't a new idea, as the guys at How It Should Have Ended noted this in a video a few years back:
I have been neglecting the Worst Porn segment for way too long. I have to admit that I have been finding some truly terrible pornography in the last few weeks, and that I just haven't added it to the site. I've been hoarding it, and keeping it for myself.
It's mine damnit! All mine!
But anyway, here we are with one of the worst things I've seen for a while. And yes, it involves another deformed midget. NSFW after the jump.
If you follow me on Buzzfeed or Twitter, you'll have noticed I added a feed regarding a new porn movie made by Hustler, which celebrates Miley Cyrus turning 18.
From the PG rated trailer on YouTube, I can tell you that the acting alone makes this one of the worst porn movies I have ever seen.
Imagine that. A porn movie with bad acting. But i'm not talking about just any bad acting, i'm talking about the most painful acting I've ever seen in my life. Compared to this, the guy who fucked that spider thing should be given a fucking Oscar for his contribution to the world.
Don't believe me? Then take a look at the trailer yourself:
I fucking told you!
But still, the most insane part about that whole video is the 'Silly Ray Cyrus' music video for his country hit 'Dingly Dangly Dong'. How fucking terrible was it seeing that short clip of it? Incredibly terrible. Now, enjoy a longer version:
How fucking hard is it to sing in time with the music? Even if the lyrics are ridiculous and retarded, you can still at least attempt to make it plausible that this "hit song" was written to incorporate both music and lyrics into one element, and not two things jammed together.
Born in the distant Grimlap System, Xenu was sent to Earth as a baby in the hope that one day, he would become someone like Superman or a Defender of the Earth!
But that didn't happen.
Instead, he writes random shit about his day on his blog and jerks off to vast quantities of pr0n.
